Quote of the day #12

"If you only read books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking."


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"...I must have led you around in circles and hurt you deeply. In doing so, however, I have led myself around in circles and hurt myself just as deeply. I say this not as an excuse or a means of self-justification but because it is true. If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. So please try not to hate me. I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you realize."


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"Don't feel sorry for yourself. Only arseholes do that."


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"Life is a box of chocolates."


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"Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life."


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"Letters are just pieces of paper. Burn them, and what stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish."


~Haruki Murakami 'Norwegian Wood'

Lang-8 Diary #8-10

明けましておめでとう！

  Jan 12th 2012 08:19

久しぶり！！Lang-8の皆さん、明けましておめでとうございます！（ちょっと遅れたかな？）最近ちょっと忙しかったので、日記を書くことと日本語の勉強を怠けていた。


ところで、皆さんは新年の抱負はあるの？私は、今年健康にもっと気をつけようと思います。と言う事で、早寝早起きに慣れるとか、もっと運動をして、ダイエットしてみる。（実は毎年そう言ってる、だけど成功できなかった。）そして、家でごろごろするのをもうやめて、仕事を早く見つける。もちろん、日本語の勉強も頑張ります！


幸せで実りある新年を迎えられますように。

君に似た誰か (Adele - Someone Like You)

   Dec 14th 2011 10:02

君に似た誰か


君は身を固めたんだってね、彼女を見つけて、結婚したって聞いた。
君の夢は、かなったんだね。
私が君に上げながったものを、きっと彼女がくれたんだね。


ねえ、あなた、どうしてそんなに恥ずかしそうにしている？
遠慮したり、隠したり、君らしくない。


＊招待されないで、突然来るのは嫌いだけど、
そうせずにはいられない、この気持ちを堪えられない。
私の顔を見て、思い出してくれることを願った 私にはまだ終わりじゃないって。

※気にするな。君に似た誰かをみつける。
君の幸せだけを祈ります。
私のことを忘れないで、お願いだから。
君が言ったことを覚えてる、
「時に恋は続き、時に恋は傷つける。」


時間が経つのは早いと君は分かっている。
人生で一番いい時は、まるで昨日のことみたいです。
私たちは夏の霧の中で生まれて育った。
栄光の日々のサプライズは私たちの絆です。

Repeat ＊ ※


何よりも、心配も気配りもない。
後悔とか間違いは記憶が作った。
この世界が、こんなに甘くてにがいなんて、知らなかった。

Repeat ※ ※




(また歌詞を訳そうとした。この歌はとても悲しくて、感動した、大好きです。)

長い髪を切ってもらった。

  Dec 07th 2011 19:21

先日私は髪を切ってもらった。
どのようにカットのを長い間考えて、結局髪を顎のところで切るのを決めました。
この数年間（８年かな）ずっと長髪だった。家族は私を見てびっくりしていた。
あの長い髪のに、もったいないなってお母さんが言った。
でも、この髪型がとても好き。なんだか、負担が軽くなったみたいだから、もっと楽になったんだ。
短い髪のほうが大人っぽいし、女らしいし、個性的だと思う。皆さんどう思う？

Quote of the day #11

"When you're rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love."


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"It's such  a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it."




~Mitch Albom 'For One More Day'

Looking back at 2011

So… I finally got round to doing this. I am hoping to do this every year so that I can remember what happened and also reflect on things. It’s only once a year, so it shouldn’t be too difficult, right?

So this year has been a year of adventure, or at least the first half of it has. I have met lots of people from different countries and I have made an effort to make new friends and be sociable. Actually perhaps it was the only time since I’ve been single that I was (sometimes) happy to be single, because when I was in uni, I didn’t make much effort in making friends and spending time with them. This year I was able to, probably because I was living in a student accommodation and there were many opportunities to just sit and chat with everyone. I have made some really good friends who I think will really be lifelong friends (which was supposed to happen in uni). They have also given me different perspectives, and perhaps a renewed confidence (in making friends?) It’s really comforting, isn’t it? To know that you have real friends somewhere who wonders how you are doing, cares about and misses you and the time you spent together. I’m not saying that my old school friends are not real friends, but perhaps because of the kind of person I am or the way I have kept (or not really have kept) in touch with them, I do not feel the same kind of care from them; and as time goes on and our differences grow, we have less to talk about and sometimes I feel like I have to be more careful with what I say (and agree with them just for the sake of it). In contrast, with my ‘new’ friends I feel like I can be myself more and confide in them. There were times when I have been impatient and even thought ill of them, (!) something I seem to do when I am close to someone. But I hope that in 2012, and the years to come, I will be a better friend.

This year I have made more effort in my studies. I seem to be the kind of person who only tries hard when I know I am doing well (maybe I need to change that). Maybe having some study buddies helped too. It was great to have them to talk to about the work, the exams, and job applications, to be with friends who are going through the same things as you. And I was so glad that my hard work paid off and I got good results that I can be proud of and gave me a (renewed) confidence.  

I have tried to make the most of my time at this new place, as much as my lazy self could manage, because I did not know whether I will return to this foreign land after I finished. I went to nice restaurants and tried out different cuisines. I went to touristy places- museums, concerts, I even went to a cemetery. I went shopping. I had afternoon teas. I took walks in nice weather (though for shopping purposes) and enjoyed the sunshine and blue skies and the company of just myself (not that it’s rare or anything). I sat by my bedroom window and watched and listened to the rain. I sat in the garden to read, sometimes a novel, sometimes (or mostly) for my studies. I chat with friends or made new friends while having tea or hot chocolate. I had serious conversations with my close friends about life and death, past and future, hopes and dreams (and not so serious ones) in my bedroom in my pyjamas. I sung karaoke in my bedroom using YouTube and a lamp as a microphone (not by myself of course).

It was an adventure. For the first time I went abroad on holiday with friends, 3 times! Even though some of the places I had been to before but it’s different. It was especially satisfying because I booked them without the help of my family and I also only went for tickets / accommodation that were a bargain. First trip: I had to learn to slow down and not try to cram everything into the trip, but despite some difficulty with everybody getting along it was a great trip especially the living together and cooking part. Second trip: part one was a little difficult for me because for some reason I ran out of things to say to our host and again I thought we could have done more things (I hate to say it was a little disappointing at times but there were good times too); part two was fantastic, there weren’t as much to see to start off with (touristy-wise) but it was the most relaxing trip I ever had, even when we stayed in we’d still be enjoying the company of each other. Third trip: being just the 2 of us and being quite similar in personality, it was easy to agree on what to do, it was the most adventurous trip of the 3, we made use of every minute to see everything we wanted and we were always exhausted when we returned to the hotel.　I also went on a trip with my family before returning home, it was quite tiring to be with them especially since I’ve been so used to the freedom of the past year, but it was good to see all these different places. We had one more trip at the end of the year which was a lot of fun, my only complaint would be I wish it wasn’t a packaged holiday. One day I will go there without a tour guide and everything arranged for me, one day…

So for the second part of 2011, I returned home and it was almost as if the past year did not happen. It’s beginning to feel so far away. I have been staying at home most of the time and did job applications. I’m doing it as if it was a routine, I search the internet and send off my applications, not really expecting any replies whatsoever. When I occasionally did get some reply, I’m excited and nervous, I tried my best to do well in the interviews but somehow I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere. I’m aware that all the good things I say about myself are really all the things that I am not, and the hiccups I had in my studies are like a massive boulder in my way, something that is stuck there forever and ever, and I can’t seem to get round it. I really want to move forward. I want to start earning. I want to learn. I want to be able to proudly say what I am doing for a living.

I have to say I have not exactly been hard working to get myself out of this situation. I spend what, a few hours a day on applications (but I have weekends off, and days when I don’t feel like working), and the rest are spent on the internet or watching TV or reading or sleeping or doing nothing in particular. I am so easily distracted. I have to work harder in 2012, I can’t waste another year. No one can help me but myself.

I have finally started learning Japanese for real. I am not going to let it sink in solely by watching dramas and listening to songs. I started learning grammar on the internet and I even bought some books. It’s proved to be a lot more difficult but I hope I can keep it up. I want to be at least conversational in Japanese, enough so I could get by if I was living there. I was excited at some point when I discovered that there are degrees taught in English in Japan. Wouldn’t it be great? I can live in Japan, learn Japanese there, be part of the world I’ve only been able to dream of, and get an education! Perhaps I’ll even find myself a job and settle there. But then again, I am already short on time, I should be working, do I have time to do another degree? Are the degrees even suitable for me, will they help me get a job (or will I be even more stuck than ever)? Not to mention the tuition and living costs. If it was just a one year course it might not be so bad, but one year is definitely not enough for me to learn the language and enjoy my time there. But 4 years? It would be a dream come true, I don’t think I have ever wanted something as bad but… ohh I don’t know. If I can’t do this in 2012, I hope someday I could, maybe not to study but to work there…

Towards the end of 2011, I lost a grandparent. It was not my first time but before I was either too young to remember or I was not as close. It’s strange because I kind of expected it to happen but at the same time I didn’t, does that make sense? Because, being in the hospital, it has happened before and had pulled through. But then again this was the most serious yet. When I was told to pray, I partly prayed for recovery and partly prayed that if it was time to go, that it would be painless. My family did Buddhist prayers and I said the Lord’s Prayer, just in case (because I hadn’t made up my mind which religion, if any, I believed in). I was quite troubled that my tears wouldn’t come, I seem to only be able to cry when others are crying, and the tears only came in a small amount. I recovered pretty fast and life seemed to return to normal with few differences. Perhaps because we weren’t as close. Now looking back, I see I had taken the time we were together for granted. We didn’t talk much, I resented some of your ways and words. I don’t have many memories of you. I wasn’t a good grandchild. You are not here anymore, it seems so normal as I go about my everyday life to just assume that you are still here and we will be going out for a meal in the weekend. I hope that you will be happy and free of pain in heaven or whatever it is, or that you will reincarnate into a new life.

On my love life, well it has been empty this year too. It’s scary to think I might be too late to find someone now. Ahh I seem to be running out of time in everything I do. I have still not sorted out my mess with him. Last year (not in 2011 but I’m gonna count that as 2011 anyway) he contacted me out of the blue. Again I let that opportunity slip past. But what he said was so ridiculously strange (not that it was a reason for my remaining silent). I could have explained everything then and that would hopefully, finally, be the end of it, or it wouldn’t and would lead to something more- I’m not sure which I preferred which is probably why I was still not able to talk to him. A part of me wants him to have moved on and be happy again, but a part of me also wants him to still care for me and love me. Ahh I am so selfish, and such a coward. Will I be able to solve this in 2012, or will it take more years?

So, a few resolutions for the new year, in no particular order:

1)      be more healthy – sleep and rise early, drink more water, eat more veg, do exercises, drink only moderately (it’s not worth it getting drunk just for the sake of it)

2)      keep up with learning Japanese

3)      keep up with writing my blog / diary, remember things worth remembering

4)      keep in touch with good friends

5)      stop procrastinating!!

6)      Do more worthwhile things, less TV, less internet, less doing nothing

7)      Think more about my family

8)      Have more patience and hold my temper

9)      Find a job

10)  Find true love?

Don’t know how many of these I’ll actually keep, but will see in 12 months time!

Quote of the day #10

"Nobody is ever too old to dream. And dreams never grow old."


~Lucy Maud Montgomery 'Anne of Windy Poplars'