清水翔太 - 君が好き (Lyrics)

清水翔太 - 君が好き


眠れない夜ベットの中
ぼんやり光る液晶見てた
突然鳴り出した携帯　聞こえくる君の震える声
「Baby tell me　どうしたの？」（どうしたの?）
「もしかして泣いてるの?」
「外の雨の音でちゃんと聞こえないよ」
「さよなら...」
昨日の喧嘩を思い出した
僕はバカだ　今やっと気付いた


君が好き　一番大切な人
ずっとそばにいって　ダメな僕を叱ってよ
今誓うよ　君を守って行く
だって君をこんあに愛せるのは
僕だけ


さりげない優しさでいつも
支えてくれてる　君に
これからは僕を同じように
出来る事があると思うから
「Baby tell me　どうしたの？（どうしたの？）
ひとりで悩んだりしないで
分け合える悲しみだってあるはずだよ
僕はいつだって君を包むよ
大丈夫　二人なら乗り越えられるよ
しっかりと　その手を握るから」


君が好き　一番大切な人
ずっとそばにいって　ダメな僕を叱ってよ
今誓うよ　君を守って行く
だって君をこんあに愛せるのは
僕だけ


この広い世界で　僕は一人ぼっちだった
君が僕を変えてくれた


君が好き　世界中で誰より
ずっとそばにいって　同じ夢を見よう
君が好き　一番大切な人
ずっとそばにいって　ダメな僕を叱ってよ
今誓うよ　君を守って行く
だって君をこんあに愛せるから


もしも僕が旅立ったとしても
君のことずっと　見守ってるから
愛してるよ　苦しくなるくらい
その笑顔　絶やさない　君が好き

 
I really like Shimizu Shota and his music, and somehow his voice (or perhaps his style) is so suited to sing this kind of love song: the sweet-I love you-I'll be with you forever kind, ones that will make any girl fall for the guy who sang it to her. At least this song is, I think I would say yes if someone proposed and sang this song to me. The lyrics are so simple that even someone who knows only a little Japanese (like me) could understand the gist of it. But you don't need elaborate words to express how much you love someone. The message is simple, so you only need to say 'suki' to get it across.
 
Like alot of songs I've listened to, I relate this to my own relationship... although also like alot of songs, it seems to be describing his feelings..., I could very well imagine him saying the same things to me as in the chorus, and lines like 大丈夫　二人なら乗り越えられるよ, and 愛してるよ　苦しくなるくらい ...
But that was in the past, I won't be able to hear him say things like this anymore. I made the choice to leave him, and I'll have to live with it.
 
My favourite line:

君が好き　世界中で誰より 
ずっとそばにいって　同じ夢を見よう

Playlist: Shiawase

Had this idea some time ago, I like listening to songs with similar feel together when I'm in that particular mood, like happy songs, sad songs, Christmassy songs, sweet songs etc, so I want to make playlists of them (just for my future reference I guess), kind of like making my own compilation album. As I've been listening to some rather happy 'wedding-like' songs recently, I thought it would be good to start off with a playlist with the 'shiawase' feel to it, so here goes (I'll probably come back to edit this from time to time) :

01. Canon in D
02. Mihimaru GT - 幸せになろう
03. Sonar Pocket - 二人いつまでも
04. Hilchryme - 春夏秋冬
05. Orange Range - 花
06. 絢香 - おかえり
07. 大塚 愛 - 恋愛写真
08. Lecca - For You
09. 加藤ミリヤ - Love is...
10. 清水翔太 - 君が好き
11. AI - Story 
12. Yuna Ito - Precious - wedding extended ver.-

Other playlists to come (hopefully):
Christmas / Winter
Sakura / Graduation
Growing up
Break up
Happy (Ai Otsuka 'Sakuranbo', Mihimaru GT 'Kaerouka' style)
Bittersweet teenage love (Kana Nishino 'Motto' style)
Catchy RnB, dance, hip-hop, rap?

平井堅 - 僕は君に恋をする (Lyrics)

平井堅 - 僕は君に恋をする

作詞/曲 : 平井堅

もしも願いが叶うなら　君の悲しみを僕の胸の中に
注ぎ込んで下さい　その痛みならば僕は耐えられる

未来描く地図も無くしてしまう
ちっぽけな僕だけれど　君をみつけた


さよなら、ありがとう、好きだよ、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、泣くなよ、バカだな
伝えたい言葉は止めどなく溢れる
何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする


君の願いが叶うなら　全て捧げると心からいえる
僕がいなくなっても消えること無い
恋色に染まる心　君とみつけた


さよなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、怒んなよ、バカだな
恋しい　苦しい、愛しいじゃ足りない
何度も、何度でも僕は君と恋をする


恋する瞳と愛する痛みを
君が僕にくれた輝き忘れない　ずっと


さよなら、ありがとう、好きだよ、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、泣くなよバカだな
伝えたい言葉は止めどなく溢れる
何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする


さよなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、怒んなよ、バカだな
恋しい　苦しい、愛しいじゃ足りない
何度も、何度でも叫ぶよ
好きだよ
さよなら

 Beautiful song, I think it's up there with the theme song from 'Crying out love in the centre of the world' And in the PV he's so sad, when he's singing on his own on a snowy cliff, shouting '好きだよ~', 'さよなら~', so sad, so dramatic'.
 
Somehow I imagine that the story is like this (can't quite work out what the story behind it is from the verse) : the guy (obviously) loves the girl, the girl wants to break up, probably because she doesn't feel the same way anymore, but breaking up is still so sad because she once loved him, and knows that this is breaking his heart, so.....
 
Actually no.... let's change the story a bit, the guy us breaking up with the girl because he realises that she doesn't love him anymore and is willing to let her go so that she can find her happiness. She didn't want to be the one to break up the relationship (perhaps because of guilt, or because she as afraid of hurting him...) so he did it for her, and even told her not to cry, even though the pain was killing him, he was going to take the pain and the sorrow from her....
 
and in the end he tells her that 何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする

Mika - Happy Ending (Lyrics)

Mika - Happy Ending

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I have ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending
This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
We'll live the rest of our life
But not together

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest, keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong,
I can get to my sleep I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending
This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
We'll live the rest of our life
But not together

A Little bit of love

Little bit of love, little bit of love, little bit of love......

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending


I'm really into Mika right now, his songs have so much energy and fun and his voice is great- I love the sudden changes from low to really high notes; you can really tell that he loves music and he enjoys it so much.
Anyway back to the song, I kind of find it sad in 'This is the way that we love, like it's forever, We'll live the rest of our life but not together', kind of makes me remember my own relationship- our love was so strong (at least his was), we were planning to spend the rest of our lives together.... but now our relationship has ended, 'happy endings gone forever more', our lives will go on but without each other. Now I wish him well too, he deserves so much more, I think the 'little bit of heaven but a little bit of hell' is like I wish him a full life- that he experiences all the good things in life but also some bad things too- I believe that's what makes someone grow, and makes them who they are.

Lecca - For You (Lyrics)

Lecca - For You

最初から今みたいに思えてたわけじゃない
好きなモノも趣味も違うのに　会えば笑いっぱなし
間が空いてもまた会えばいつも通りに
時間忘れて　はしゃげるよね
だれにも言えないことも　だれにも見せないトコも
あなたにだけは全部　さらけ出して来たよね
一人じゃ苦しいときも　一人になりたいときも
何も言わずに全部　分かってくれて

ありがとう、って伝えたくて　なんとなく夜に電話つなげて
しばらくしてその声が聞こえてきたと思ったら
照れくさくて　たまらなくて　結局いつもの無駄話して終わりそうだから

あなたの隣でいつも　笑って過ごしてきた日々が私を強くしたから
appreciate your love　ここまで一緒にいてくれて良かった

出会ってからだいぶ時が過ぎてお互い大人に
なってる証拠に　あなたは前を向いて走ってく
一緒にすごすことより大事なことなんて
あるなんて昔は知らなかったよね
遠くで逢えないときも　その声が聞こえないときも
約束します　弱音は吐かないって決めてる。
あなたに逢いたいときも　一言が欲しいときも
次に逢えるときまで　がんばりとおすって

「疲れた」って甘えたくて　無意識にメモリーよびだして
発信するその前に　いつかの笑顔を思ったら
情けなくて　仕方なくて　あなたに逢いたいよ、なんて
言えなくなった

あなたの隣でいつも　笑って過ごしてきた日々が私を強くしたから
appreciate your love　ここまで一緒にいてくれて良かった

ねえ　いつかまた　君に逢えるかな
ねえ　いつかまた　君と笑えるかな

痛くて　苦しくても　泣いたことないのに
あなたを思うと涙があふれて
本当はさみしいよって　言えるわけないから
笑って　送り出すよ

あなたの隣でいつも　笑って過ごしてきた日々が私を強くしたから
appreciate your love　ここまで一緒にいてくれて良かった

いつでも一緒にいるって　離ればなれになっても
それは表向きのことだから
appreciate my life　あなたに　出会えて本当に良かった

The Rose (lyrics)

The Rose

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower
And you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose



I love the lyrics to this song, so true in the verse 'It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live', and very touching and encouraging at the last 2 verses - when you are exhausted, hurt, torn apart.... just remember that there is still love, even though right now it's buried beneath the snow, the spring will come and that love will blossom.

The End

I checked facebook today, having not posted anything on it in the past few weeks to avoid giving away that I have had internet access (although for the past 5 days I really didn't go on the internet). My relationship status no longer has his name after 'is in a relationship with'... and clicking on his page, his status is now listed as ‘single’.

It hit me suddenly that this really was the very end.

Well what did I expect? I shouldn’t be too surprised because over a week ago he already said that he didn’t think we should be together anymore, to which I didn’t respond and pretended I never saw it.

Just this morning I pictured in my mind that he decided to come to take me back with him, after all that I've done to him, after disappointing him, humiliating him, lied to him millions of times and breaking every promise I made, he's still willing to be together with me, he still loves me and he will never give up on me.

But I now know that it won't happen again, because it has happened far too many times before, and he won't be able to trust me anymore, he won’t be able to take it anymore. Even though he still loves me there is a point when you have to let go. And we’ve finally reached that point, he's finally given up on me. It’s stupid of me to think he’d come half way across the world to get me, and how dare I even hope that he would – when I wouldn’t even do the simplest thing for him, even when that thing was the only thing that would save us.

What a coward I am, what a hypocrite, a liar…. I am nothing compared to him, at least when it comes to loving a person. I know him, I trust him, because he never lies to me, because he tells me everything, because he does everything he says he would do… whereas I am the complete opposite, when I say ‘I love you’ I don’t even know if I mean it, when I promise something I think of excuses to get round it….. He knows exactly what he wants, and so he will do everything he can to achieve it, and when he gets it he does not give up easily – he wants to spend his life with me, so he does everything he can to make it happen, even if it means going against his parents and everything, as long as I want the same, he would try and make it happen and not give up even when it seems that I have… I really don’t deserve his love, or to be loved at all, I don’t have the right to say ‘I love you’.

I really have no excuse for what I’ve done (or what I haven’t done), he’s made it plain clear that this was the last chance, after which he would find it very hard to trust me again, but I still ignored it and for the millionth time, I broke my promise. For the next few days I still thought I’d do it, it would be a few days late but I would do it then tell him how it went, but with the internet not working and other things going on I gave myself more and more excuses until a week later he said not to bother and broke up with me on msn. I really have no more excuses because he’s answered every worry I had – all I needed to do was to stand my ground and tell them. He’s even said that even if they refused he’ll buy my ticket for me, so there was nothing, nothing I had to worry about.

The fact that I seem to have just disappeared off the surface of the earth must have made it even worse for him, he doesn’t know what happened (or didn’t happen) and why. I need to tell him, I need to explain properly, and I need to apologise… but I am scared, I am still not prepared to face him (although I don’t think I ever will be) I don’t know what to say… whatever I say it will seem like I’m finding excuses for myself. I don’t want him to hate me, so I will probably say things that will make me look better or something. I know he will ask me questions which I won’t know how to answer, and I will remain silent, and that will hurt him more. But I need to at least say I am sorry, because I have hurt him so much, so many times. I won’t expect him to forgive me, because it is the most unforgivable thing I have done.

It hurts that we have broken up for real this time, but I am not as upset as one might expect. I have felt like crying a few times but have held my tears back. To be honest I feel slightly relieved that we broke up, I wanted to have a fresh start, not because I grew tired of him, but because it’s been so much stress and uncertainty surrounding the same problem that we’ve had ever since we started going out. Of course we were so close to finally eliminating that problem….there was just one final step, but I didn’t take it.

He might be hurt and angry that I won’t ask him to take me back (I have never done in our past arguments, I always just gave up and accept the fact that we’ve broken up). The fact is I can’t, because I know very well that I am not worth it, he deserves someone better, and that if we were together again, we will just be going in circles- I still won’t be able to stand up for myself and I will keep breaking his heart- this is what I told myself in the past few times we had an argument, and I told myself not to go back to him…but when he tells me his plans of how to make it work etc I forget all my warnings and throw myself back into his arms. We really should have ended a long long time ago, because now the pain must be a lot more unbearable for him, and the wrong I have done a lot more unforgivable.

Miracle

okay after that short outburst of relief in my last post (which is a nice change from my long ramblings of my problems in my other posts) now I want to make a longer comment about it:

I've been saying in the last few weeks that I need a miracle, and here it is! something impossible just happened! I was expecting a fail, and I have been preparing (though unsuccessfully) for it, I have been praying for a miracle - that I'd be happy even if I just barely pass, anything so that I can at least graduate, and not let everyone down, and not to be looked down upon. I really thought that even if a miracle happens, the very most I can get is a v close to fail pass, but I didnt. And what makes it even more impossible is that that very subject which I was sure I've failed was actually my highest mark - there must be a mistake somewhere surely, cos there is just NO way that exam script could get that high a mark..... but now I'm worried that they might find out and take it away... afterall it did say it's an interim statement (which I'm sure is subject to alterations) but I guess for now I can relax a little.... and continue praying that this miracle will last.

just wanted to shout out to for the whole world to hear....

OMG I PASSED!!!!!!

THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!

I can finally breatheeeeeeee!!!!!!

Hard times

So many things I should be doing, so many things that need to be said.....

but here I am, waking up late in the afternoon everyday, watching TV, going on the internet, generally just not doing anything constructive... I think I am trying to delay facing the reality as long as possible, trying to enjoy the last moments of peace before the storm starts. At the moment I am trying to forget, avoid, pretend it's not there.

But I shouldn't. It is not right, not fair to those who care about me.

But I can't tell them the truth, not yet, because it hurts them... but I will have to eventually, and it will still hurt when I do, perhaps even more because of the fact that I didn't tell them till I have to.

On the other side, what do I tell him? I thought I made the decision when I promised him, but now I am starting to change my mind (again), perhaps I never really believed it myself when I said I was sure, I just wanted to get past that awkward moment and throw myself into his arms and hear him say 'it's alright, everything will be alright'. When I'm with him and when he tells me I can do all the things I want if it's what I want - I believe him, and for that brief moment I feel like I have the strength to stand up for myself. But after a while and especially now I am not with him, I loses that strength, and I feel guilt (to both him and them) - I return to my old timid and selfish self - don't want to hurt anybody, don't want to be the bad guy, and instead hurt everyone by hovering between the 2 sides, settling on one side every so often then changing my mind, and on top of that I don't let either of them know till the last minute (sometimes using lies to cover up).

About whether it's something I want - I don't really know. Does doing something you want so not to hurt you count as something I want? I think this is why it is so difficult to choose, if I was only thinking of myself I really don't mind either way (well I might slightly prefer 1 over the other if it wasn't for him) but there are too many things to think about...

You ask me all the time, 'is it something you want?', I tell you it is, but I don't know, I also don't want to hurt them, I also don't want to be a burden to them, I also don't want to be an irresponsible, incapable, spoilt, ungrateful person. It's something I want, but because it seems to be the only way we could stay together, because I don't want to hurt you, because don't want us to end, because I don't want you to hate me. Well it may not be the only way, but I don't want you to give up everything you have to come with me to somewhere you've never been before... I think that's asking too much, and I am scared you will hate it and hate me, and I am scared that I don't actually love you enough....

Oh god, do I actually love you? If I do why am I putting you through so much pain?

Whether I do or not, we should have ended then, I shouldn't have come back to you, because I knew it would happen, and I would hurt you again and again. But again, I have let my loneliness, or whatever it was, take over. When you told me we can make it work, I did all those things again - make a decision without thinking properly, make promises that I knew (or should have known) I wouldn't be able to keep. I don't think I was lying, during those times I really believe you and myself, when I make those promises I really tell myself I have to keep them, that I have made my decision etc. But in the end when I break these promises - it's irrelevant whether I was lying or not, I broke them.


I am sorry.

It's All About Money

Everything's about money isn't it.

They give me all these excuses, but in the end it's all about money.

So I'm suppose to do everything they say, earn millions in order to 'fulfill my responsibility'. I can't just be 'thinking about only myself'.

How stupid was I to think it will hurt their feelings if I tell them I don't want to go back and live with them. Haha that's not the problem at all, I don't think they ever mentioned that. It was my future prospects (apparently it's higher over there than here, which is a shitty country place that everybody should flee from), it's the amount I could earn (even in a good firm over here, with the high taxes and everything I will only have enough to survive, there's no way I could contribute back to the family, or so they say), it's the FACE (those people are gonna laugh at us, that apparently I will have to survive by my family giving me money which I will use to support my boyfriend who has no money, again that's what THEY say), it's the opportunity cost which is too high (the course here costs much more than over there, and the amount I'll be earning is apparently lower over here), ohh and I will be discriminated against cos I'm foreign, I have absolutely no advantage over people over here (whereas I will have an advantage if I go back, having studied overseas), and anything else I missed?

ok there's one point I can't really argue about, that they can't afford it. fair enough, but they were happy about me applying for masters just in case i couldn't get on that course over there. I can't help but think it's not they can't, but they don't want to. yes I know our financial situation is not great at the moment, and we don't have millions of dolloars sitting in the bank waiting to be used, but they make it sound like I'm gonna be demanding money from them the rest of my life. I will quite happy to admit my defeat and give up the idea of staying here if they just said, 'look it's not going to work, there's no way we can afford this so blah blah blah...' rather than 'you should listen to us, look at the last decision you made, if you listened to us and not apply for medicine you wouldn't have wasted a year, you NEVER think about your future, even if you don't think about that you should at least think about your RESPONSIBILITY to the family blahblahblah'.

My God, I can't wait till I start working and throw money back at them, maybe then I'll finally be able to do what I want to do, for once. Yea parents are like that, they think about what's best for their children, sometimes they could be very pushy and impose what they think on you; but do they really want me to turn into a doll which only listens to them and do exactly what they tell me to? That would be really impressive in an interview wouldn't it, why do you choose this firm, or why do you want to work in this country, or what made you want to pursue this career.... because my family thinks it's best I should. God I feel so inferior and stupid.... I am an adult and I can't make my own decisions, I am told what is best for me, I am told that just making enough money to survive is not enough- that I am not fulfilling my responsibility for the family.

I just like to stress that if it is really they can't afford it, as a child who DOES think about her family I will give up. I DO actually want to contribute back to the family. I DO want to be successful and for them to be able to proudly talk about me in front of our relatives. I DO want them to live a comfortable life for the rest of their lives. I want to do all that, but I want to do that my OWN way, with my OWN decisions. Yea it will be great if people envy I've got lots of money, a good job etc, but at the moment I envy all those people who make their own choices, people who have become who they are because of THEMSELVES, people who are NOT dolls.

I want to find my own happiness, I want to be free, I want to be treated like an adult....

I am so sick of all this bullshit.

troubled

What should I do?
I know I need to do it, I need to do it now, but I can't.
I'm so useless, I thought I've set my mind to it, I was going to do it when the time comes, but I keep hesitating, I keep avoiding it. But it's come to a point where I can't avoid it any longer. It is either I do it, or it might be the end of it.
I hate this situation I'm in now, I keep thinking I should have not gone back the last time, that way things would have been easier, and I wouldn't be in the same situation again.

There is so much that a person could take, there is a point where that person can't take anymore, they break, their heart breaks, and that would be the end.

I can't keep doing that. I've hurt him so many times, and I promised not to do that any more.

I need to have faith in this, I need to believe it, I need to believe it's the right thing and it's what I want, I need to have the strength...

This is what I decided when I turned back, this is what I decided to be what I want, this is what I need to do.