It's All About Money

Everything's about money isn't it.

They give me all these excuses, but in the end it's all about money.

So I'm suppose to do everything they say, earn millions in order to 'fulfill my responsibility'. I can't just be 'thinking about only myself'.

How stupid was I to think it will hurt their feelings if I tell them I don't want to go back and live with them. Haha that's not the problem at all, I don't think they ever mentioned that. It was my future prospects (apparently it's higher over there than here, which is a shitty country place that everybody should flee from), it's the amount I could earn (even in a good firm over here, with the high taxes and everything I will only have enough to survive, there's no way I could contribute back to the family, or so they say), it's the FACE (those people are gonna laugh at us, that apparently I will have to survive by my family giving me money which I will use to support my boyfriend who has no money, again that's what THEY say), it's the opportunity cost which is too high (the course here costs much more than over there, and the amount I'll be earning is apparently lower over here), ohh and I will be discriminated against cos I'm foreign, I have absolutely no advantage over people over here (whereas I will have an advantage if I go back, having studied overseas), and anything else I missed?

ok there's one point I can't really argue about, that they can't afford it. fair enough, but they were happy about me applying for masters just in case i couldn't get on that course over there. I can't help but think it's not they can't, but they don't want to. yes I know our financial situation is not great at the moment, and we don't have millions of dolloars sitting in the bank waiting to be used, but they make it sound like I'm gonna be demanding money from them the rest of my life. I will quite happy to admit my defeat and give up the idea of staying here if they just said, 'look it's not going to work, there's no way we can afford this so blah blah blah...' rather than 'you should listen to us, look at the last decision you made, if you listened to us and not apply for medicine you wouldn't have wasted a year, you NEVER think about your future, even if you don't think about that you should at least think about your RESPONSIBILITY to the family blahblahblah'.

My God, I can't wait till I start working and throw money back at them, maybe then I'll finally be able to do what I want to do, for once. Yea parents are like that, they think about what's best for their children, sometimes they could be very pushy and impose what they think on you; but do they really want me to turn into a doll which only listens to them and do exactly what they tell me to? That would be really impressive in an interview wouldn't it, why do you choose this firm, or why do you want to work in this country, or what made you want to pursue this career.... because my family thinks it's best I should. God I feel so inferior and stupid.... I am an adult and I can't make my own decisions, I am told what is best for me, I am told that just making enough money to survive is not enough- that I am not fulfilling my responsibility for the family.

I just like to stress that if it is really they can't afford it, as a child who DOES think about her family I will give up. I DO actually want to contribute back to the family. I DO want to be successful and for them to be able to proudly talk about me in front of our relatives. I DO want them to live a comfortable life for the rest of their lives. I want to do all that, but I want to do that my OWN way, with my OWN decisions. Yea it will be great if people envy I've got lots of money, a good job etc, but at the moment I envy all those people who make their own choices, people who have become who they are because of THEMSELVES, people who are NOT dolls.

I want to find my own happiness, I want to be free, I want to be treated like an adult....

I am so sick of all this bullshit.